Yesterday a client who has for the past two years been on and off with his wife while at the same time negotiating their divorce settlement asked me this question. While I can't say I am surprised given his past phone calls and emails saying that they are back together, they are separated, they got together with family, they are not speaking to each other, they are back from vacation, they are not happy, etc.
It seems to me that the person best able to answer that question is the person asking it. I only know what the client has shared with me. In most cases I have never spoken directly with the spouse. I am not a social worker or psychologist, although much of what I do borders on those areas at times. So I asked the client what he likes the most and what he dislikes the most about his spouse and asked him what did he think his wife would say if she were asked the same question.
I also reminded the client that he has told me that the most important thing to him if he gets back together with his wife is to protect his pension as he does not want to increase her share of it during any reconciliation. It seems to me that the one thing he has been constant about is protecting his pension more so than staying married.
So what I asked him to think about is why for two years they have not been able to solve this issue even with all of the family help, counseling, trips, resumption of sexual relations and discussion with clergy. So the client left to consider all of this and it will be interesting to see what he decides as it is his marriage. I am just the attorney to help him implement what he chooses.